Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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