worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
