we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
