the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
