I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
