p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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