If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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