Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize