This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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