Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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