I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
