I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
