we're blogging at a bar
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
