i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
