I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
