I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
