My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
