she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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