I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
