fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
