I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
