After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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