A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
