He asked me if I "almost moaned"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
