Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
