her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
