"it" just moved
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
