i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
