i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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