my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
