Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
