It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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