she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
