omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Someone came in the potted fern
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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