Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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