remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
