I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
