with your own penis?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just found puke in my bra..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
