I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
