i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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