It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
