If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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