Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
