Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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