I skipped work to stalk him.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
