the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
