whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
