Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
