too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
