looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
