He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
