i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Drunk is not a location!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
