Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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