she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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