the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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