They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
