Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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