i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
