What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
