There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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