i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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