I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
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