Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize