Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
