You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
